how to disagree without fighting

Happy Home Life Tip #8

Why do people argue?

Because… 

they really care about the topic

or

they’re trying to connect with you more

or 

they’re seeking more control over the outcome of the conversation

or

they’re trying to get you to understand their opinion

or

they’re having a hard day and aren’t functioning at their best 

or 

something else entirely.

The only way you’ll know is by asking questions and listening to the answers.

Instead of arguing, get curious, ask questions, and listen with compassion!

You could say something like:

“You seem really passionate about this, can you tell me why this is so important to you?”

“If I could understand how you feel, I’m sure I’d feel more ready to try to work this out”.

“What do you really want?”

“How do you suggest we move forward?”

“Would you like to hear how I feel about this?”

Afterwards, you may not agree, or want to give in to their request.

But at least you will have avoided an argument, had a productive conversation, and gotten closer to better understanding each other.

Remember, for stronger relationships, 

arguing builds walls, compassion builds bonds.

I’d be happy to help you to break the habit of arguing too!

Hugs,

Krista

P.S. Story:  

I’m the youngest of 4 girls and didn’t feel supported, or listened to as a child.  

I got good at arguing to get attention and gain control. 

(picture little girl with hands on hips stomping her feet!) 

My loving husband was the one who taught me to listen.

He’s calm and compassionate and asks a lot of questions. 

 But sometimes, after listening to each other’s point of view, we just “agree to disagree” and leave it at that.