letting go of holiday drama

Happy Home Life Tip #40

Did you know that letting go of holiday drama can be as easy as letting go of a balloon?

It’s true!

At our house we’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving, visiting family from Minneapolis and England, 4 birthdays, Christmas and New Year’s. 

I’ll be cleaning and cooking and hosting in a home that’s going through massive restorations, with family ranging from newborn to elderly, and 3 big dogs running about.

And I’m as cool as a cucumber.

Want to know why?

Because I decided, ahead of time, what kind of experience I wanted to have— I decided I wanted to enjoy our time together and not be stressed-out.

And you can do that to.

Here are some quick-fixes for common stresses:

1.  So-and-So is always so judgmental, rude and critical.

You can’t control what someone says, but you can change how you interpret it.  

You can choose to ignore the comment, laugh about it, turn it into a compliment, say “I’m so surprised you said that to me”, or give a zinger right back.

You can also choose to not invite that person to your party!

2.  It’s so hard to plan for everyone’s food preferences.

There is no way to please everyone.  Announce what you’ll be serving and ask others to bring what they enjoy.  At our house we’re hosting people with allergies, meat eaters & vegetarians, picky eaters, drinkers & non-drinkers and people who are gluten free and watching their weight (me).  

I was worried about over-eating holiday foods until I remembered that I can just not make my favorite foods and asked others to fill in.  It just so happens they’re bringing desserts I don’t even like!  Problem solved.

3. There’s not enough time to get everything done.

Yes, there is.

Write down everything you think you have to do.

Then highlight all the things you want to do.

Next, cross off, or delegate to others, the things that are left.

Then, prioritize the things you want to do and plan to do them in the easiest and most enjoyable way possible.

I love to shop for birthdays and holidays all year long. That way I can take advantage of sales or make things homemade without feeling rushed.

My sister loves to bake ahead and freeze things.

You could also give gift cards, have items mailed directly to the person, take advantage of store gift-wrapping services, or substitute gift-giving with an outing or adventure. This year my son, daughter in-law and brand new grandson invited us to go apple picking on my birthday. What a treat!

4.  I need to give the perfect gift.

No you don’t.  Just give what you feel excited about giving.  You could ask for some suggestions, but in the end, you can’t control wether the person will love your gift or not.  The love comes from the giving, not the gift itself.

5.  My adult children are being disrespectful about our family traditions and hurting my feelings.

I hear this over and over, and I get it.  We have 3 grown sons who consult with their wives or girlfriend before making plans too. 

You don’t have to let their decisions upset you, nor do you have to be okay with all the decisions they make.

The best course of action is to bring up the topic of family holidays/traditions well ahead of time. 

Listen, be empathetic, share your desires, and ask if your kids would be willing to collaborate on a plan that works well for everyone.

You might just end up creating some new holidays/traditions that are unique to your family!

Sometimes my kids celebrate holidays with us, and sometimes they don’t.  But we strive to keep a close connection with them and let them feel loved, understood and wanted.

(As a child I never felt like my parents listened to me or enjoyed my presence, so staying connected to my sons is key.)

Remind yourself that you helped them to grow up, meet others, and have adventures.  You did your job well, Mom! 

This year our youngest won’t be coming home at all, and even though we’ll miss him, I’m delighted that he’ll be celebrating with someone he loves, and that that someone loves him back.

So… go ahead, open your fingers and let your holiday stress float away. 

Hugs,

Krista

Photo Story:

My dining room is under construction, and the table needs refurbishing, but I thought, “I can at least decorate around all that”, so I did!